Before I speak about my hopes
for the New Year, I want to take a chance to sum up what 2011 meant for
me. And WOW what a year 2011 has been
eh?
Whatever it meant for you
personally, there’s no denying that in terms of global news events, 2011 has
been spectacular, in fact the BBC has said it’s been
the most momentous year since 1989! Some
of the things - in brief - that caught my attention over the year include (this is by no means an
exhaustive list):
- Arab Spring – It’s amazing what a grass-roots movement can actually do eh? It made our protests earlier in the year look like a bloody picnic. I hope the people who’ve worked so hard to get change get the Governments they deserve, but I’m not holding my breath!
- Libya – Our Government took us to war in an Arabic country... again. Fortunately it seems that Cameron’s judgement was sound on this issue. But I will say this, we know nothing of the people who are taking over and we’ve helped put them in power, who’s to say they are going to be any better than Col. Gaddafi?
- The coverage of the Colonel’s death was horrible in my opinion. Since when has it been okay to display a battered and bruised dead body on our news screens? We’d be disgusted if it was British soldiers given similar treatment on Al-Jazeera! Let’s not forget that less than a year ago, Gaddafi was a friend and key ally in that region.
- Japan Tsunami – This was awful and some of the pictures coming out of Japan were heart-breaking. One of my friends Dennis was in Japan and he captured this footage.
- Royal Wedding – I missed it, I was in Pakistan… Heard it was nice… She’s pretty Kate, I like her, she’s not Diana pretty or Queen of Jordan hot, but I like her.
- Norway Massacre – Whenever there is a terrorist attack anywhere, unfortunately my first thought isn’t with the victims or their families or survivors… it’s praying that the perpetrator isn’t Muslim… This guy wasn’t - result! What a fuckin’ nutter though :-( Such a horrid waste of young life.
- Hackgate – I’ve believed that the tabloid media in this country are an absolute disgrace for several years now. I despise them and I hope the disgusting revelations that came to light this year will help put an end to their despicable methods and their savage thirst to ruin people’s lives at any cost… Well for profit. I’ll be watching the results of the Leveson enquiry with interest in the New Year.
- London Riots – A lot has been written about the riots already. A positive that did come out of the riots was how some communities came together to help each other. That was nice. Like the example of a bunch of Sikh youths protecting a Mosque, so the Muslims could offer their prayers in peace. #touching
- It seems that Muslims got some good press from the riots and let’s not forget that this tragedy almost single-handedly stopped the riots.
- Public Sector Strikes – The Government’s change to the public pension provisions led to all the public sector unions going on strike on 30h November. With the way this Government is making cuts I wouldn’t be surprised to see more in the near future. Watch this space…
- Notable Deaths:
- Osama bin Laden – one time American friend and revolutionary, orchestrated terrible things and gave Muslims the world over a bad name… still should have gone on trial, instead of assassination and a suspiciously quick Megatron type burial.
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| The only Col. left worth talking about! |
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| Osama bin Laden before he was killed |
- Amy Winehouse – Loved her talent, her album Frank and Back to Black were in my top-10 albums of the noughties. Such a tragic waste and it’s a shame she didn’t get the help she clearly needed…
- Steve Jobs – A visionary entrepreneur… who also helped give us Pixar… enough said!
- Gary Speed – The suicide of one of one of football’s truly nice guys, shocked the sporting world. How someone who was managing his national team, with a loving family could take their own life is still a mystery, but it just goes to show, you never know what is going on inside people’s heads.
- Kim Jong Il – or Lil’ Kim as his friends I’m sure refer to him. Many people of course know him from his Oscar-worthy performance in Team America World Police, but you may not know he was also the leader of North Korea. He’s succeeded by his son, Kim Jong Un… We can but hope a change of leader brings more stability and peace with their brothers in South Korea.
- Prince Philip – There’s still time…
On a personal note, 2011 has
been very eventful. I’ve gigged nearly
200 times (198 if you’re counting, which I am), some brilliant some not so,
some paid, most not, but all the while I feel like I’ve been learning and
getting better at this game. I’ve ended
2011 as I ended 2010 with a string of pretty mediocre gigs, but hey, that’s
what happens sometimes, plus December can be a horrible month to gig, when a
lot of punters would rather get pissed and chat to their mates (understandably)
than engage with the comedy, bah humbug!
But throughout the year, I’ve had some pretty amazing highlights and I’ve
summed these up below:
My personal top-5 comedy
highlights:
1.
BBC New Comedy
Award final – If I called it quits now and decided never to grace the stage again,
this will live with me forever, I am so proud of this achievement especially as
it came in my first year of doing stand-up and although I didn’t win the whole
thing I definitely held my own and felt like I belonged there!
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| BBC New Comedy Award - Finalist |
unfortunately as
this was such a high, the comedown after it was huge and I felt like I was coasting for the next couple of months, which is brings us nicely on to…
2.
Edinburgh Fringe
Festival – Now, I’ve already written in depth below about the Fringe and what I
got up to etc. so I’ll just say this… DO IT!
From a stand-up perspective, I only realised in late September/early
October just how much I learned from being up there, I am such a better comic
for the experience and I feel it’s a rite of passage for anyone who’s serious
about this game. Also there are so many
amazing acts up there it’s totes inspiring! And a little intimidating if I’m
honest. Speaking of intimidating…
3.
The Comedy Store –
I’ve gigged at The Comedy Store, four times this year, once in Manchester at
their King Gong and three times in London (one King Gong and two open
spots). The King Gong gig is just
frightening and winning it back in January was a huge confidence booster which
led to me being invited back to perform on their Thurs night as an open spot
amongst the pros. My first 5 minute open
spot in May was the most nerve-wracking gig I’ve ever had, I’ve never been more
nervous before a gig or since for that matter and I could feel my leg shaking
on stage! I didn’t really do myself
justice in that gig and felt very underwhelmed coming off, however I got a call
back and got another chance to impress in September. I was determined to do my best at this one
and I was a lot more relaxed beforehand. Thankfully it was a stormer, one of the best
gigs I’ve ever had and I got some pretty sweet feedback from the owner of the Store,
Don. This got me a further call back for
a 10 minute spot on a Saturday night in March 2012!
4.
New Friends – I’ve
met some pretty awesome people on the circuit and none more so than my two
comedy bff’s, Gary Tro and Kate Lucas, love these two SO HARD (as Gary would
say) and working with them this year has been an absolute pleasure, we’ve now
put together a sketch group (Chuckle Sandwich), which is basically just us
pissing around, so we’ll see what comes of that! One other notable person is Samantha Hannah, for being an amazing friend, a constant source of amusement and an all round awesome person! She also keeps me totes grounded. A host of other comedy chums are worth a mention for their
inspiration and mega-lols over the year including: Sean Mahoney, Kwame Asante, Dane Baptiste,
Tom Appleton, Darius Davies, Hannah Deasy, Luke Capasso, Rachel Anderson, Michael
Kossew, Luisa Omielan, Bec Hill, Rachel Parris, Max Dowler (hate him secretly
though), Pete Dillon-Trenchard, MissD and numerous others. Thanks guys and gals! And a further thanks to all the promoters who
have booked me over the year!
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| Chuckle Sandwich |
5.
Optimism – Performing
comedy over the past 18 months has given me so much self-confidence (not that I
was particularly lacking on that front) and self-belief that you can do whatever
you want, as long as you have enough determination and drive. Get off your arse and be the person you want
to be, do the things you want to do and achieve your dreams, I’ve got a long
way to go, but I’m climbed a few rungs up the ladder this year and my goals are
even clearer.
Comedy has dominated 2011 for
me, but away from the stage, I did get up to other things and so my personal
top-3 non-comedy highlights were:
1.
London Marathon –
So I ran 26.2 miles one morning in April in London… It was mega hard and I
raised £1,500 for St. John’s Ambulance.
Yeah I’m a hero, stop going on about it! #totallycarryoniloveit
2.
Pakistan trip – The
very next day after running the marathon, I went to Pakistan for my uncle’s
wedding. The actual highlight of the
trip was being in Pakistan when Osama was assassinated*… Not that I had
anything to do with it…
*Luke
Capasso can tell you more about my involvement in the death of Osama bin Laden.
3.
New York City
trip – In July I went to New York for 10 days for my friends Aaron and Molly’s
wedding. I met these two on Camp America
in the summer of 2006, they both met each other at camp and they’ve been
together since… Awww. Anyway, Aaron is
Australian, Molly American, so with his family and hers and a few Brits there,
it was like a United Nations of piss-taking.
Had so much fun and met loads of really friendly people, it totally gave
me a fresh perspective on our American cousins.
Plus I heard the best thing ever... ‘So if London is 5 hours ahead of
New York time… then why didn’t you warn us on 9/11?’ – Yeah… that!
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| Molly & Aaron |
Finally my one hope for 2012 is
a solution to the Israel-Palestine situation, is that too much to ask? Yes... Er... Okay,what about world peace? Can't we just get world peace minus
Israel-Palestine and then work on that?
No… okay then. Well can I have a
year where people stop obsessing with pointless celebs, garbage pseudo reality-TV
and actually watch some awesome shows like Game of Thrones and do stuff with
their loved ones, like fishing or some shit?
No again? Come on… Well… can I please
have an agent? Hello…
Dear Allah please make 2012 a
great year for me and my family and friends and give us the strength to work hard and reward us with success that our endeavours will deserve x
- Tez
p.s. As I’m just finishing
this, Blackburn Rovers (my team) have just beat Man United 3-2 at Old
Trafford! Now what has been happening at
Blackburn has been nothing short of disgraceful! And I’m not talking about the fans… We’ve
been taken over by a bunch of half-wit chicken farmers from Indian (Venkys) who
have no clue about football, they weren’t even aware you could get relegated!!! They put in zero investment and seem intent
on asset stripping this proud Lancashire club :-(
They sacked Big Sam, under
whom we’d have been a comfortable mid-table team and they installed his number
2 as manager, a Muppet called Steve Kean.
Who’s won 8 games (including today) out of 40! We’ve taken half of our points this season
against Man United, Arsenal and Liverpool, that tells me that Kean can raise
his players for the big games, but Blackburn aren’t going to survive by taking
points against the top-6, we’re going to survive by beating teams in the
bottom-10 of which we have won 1 game! Against Swansea at home… Today’s result was awesome, yes and credit to
Kean and the players who were immense, but we’ve got a LONG way to go to stay
up… COYB! Thank Allah for the Yak… #FeedtheYakandHeWillScore
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| Steve Kean? |
p.p.s. The Olympics are going
to be AWESOME!!!
