Stats

Thursday, 1 September 2011

4. My Virgin Fringe

This post is not an anecdote about my first hair-cut – as hilarious as that probably was, I don’t remember it – but about my first ever Edinburgh Fringe Festival (Fringe).  The Fringe is the biggest Arts Festival in the world and attracts a variety of performers – anything from serious theatre to street dance to comedy and everything in between – and audiences from all over the world.  This year there were a staggering 41,689 performances of 2,542 shows!

I’d never been to the Fringe before, but I’m so thankful I’d been to Edinburgh (twice), so I knew the lay of the land a wee bit, because with over 250 performance spaces that shit can be confusing!

Beautiful Edinburgh!
Now usually people who attend their first Fringe do so to sample the atmosphere, see some shows and generally see how that organised mess works.  I’m not most people.  I decided with my two comedy bffs (Gary Tro and Kate Lucas – two of my favourite comics, check them out if you can, they’re aces) to take a show for the entire run, 25 nights… Say whaaaaat!  We decided that our comedy collective will be called Chuckle Sandwich and our show was ‘intriguingly titled’: Gags, Songs & Bombs!  The idea was that Gary was gags, Kate was songs and er… I was bombs – lazy stereotype? CHECK!

Chuckle Sandwich presents: Gags, Songs & Bombs!
You may be thinking… ‘Wow, that sounds bare expensive bruv’… You’d be right, it can be.  You can expect to pay anything from £3k-£15k for a venue for the entire run!  Then you take into account accommodation costs, day-to-day living expenses and money spent on leisure and you’re looking at a considerable loss!  However, there exists two avenues for inexperienced and financially inept performers like me, Peter Buckley Hill’s Free Fringe (PBH) and the Laughing Horse Free Festival (LH).  Two rival companies who essentially offer the same service.  They have a clientele of around 15+ venues each, which provide free space for performers during the month.  A room above/below a pub kind of deal.

We were originally going to sign-up with PBH and made tentative enquiries with them, but things like ‘if you think you’re doing us a favour, you can fuck-off’ written into their contract was a bit of a turn-off, so we ended up with LH.  A decision which has led to me being black-listed by PBH.  Whatevs, my conscience is clear as water as I did nothing wrong.  If you want to know more about this episode (I promise you it’s not very interesting) and my thoughts about it then get in touch with me personally.  We had no regrets with LH and will definitely use them again in the future.

It’s quite a big endeavour taking a show to Edinburgh, especially for the whole run.  You have to find accommodation and I owe Rachel Anderson (hugely funny comic) a lot in that regard as she sorted this out for us.  The other big thing is sorting out your performance space.  We ended up with ‘A Room with a View’ in the ‘The Three Sisters’ pub on Cowgate, one of the main through fares for tourists and locals, so a pretty awesome space all things considered.  The only negative we had, was that we did occasionally suffer from noise pollution, both from the adjacent room and the courtyard below, which did affect our performances at times, but it was part of the steep learning curve we had signed up to.

Once you’ve done these two big things, you then have to register (circa £300), make sure you submit your show to the Fringe magazine and LH brochure, design flyers and posters, print flyers and posters, negotiate leave from work… All of this before you even start thinking about what you’re going to say once you’re up on that stage!

We organised two previews on successive nights in late May in the basement room of Leicester Square Theatre, a room which held good memories for me as I’d previously qualified for the final of the Leicester Square New Comedian of the Year Competition there in December 2010.  The previews went really well, which was important for me as I had a lot of people from work there who’d never seen me before.  Going into the festival I was confident of my 15-20 minutes and even left some ‘gold’ material out as I wanted to hone as much new stuff as possible

Speaking to people who’d been to the Fringe in previous years, we were told to be prepared for rain, low attendances, rain, mental breakdowns, rain, fall-outs with friends, rain, lots of fun, rain and general debaucherous mayhem… oh and rain!  We got the rain, we had the fun, we were stretched and pushed, but all-in-all we didn’t really have the nightmare scenarios that others had experienced before us and long may that continue!

I arrived in Edinburgh, late evening on the 4th August after work, 90 minutes before our first show.  Not ideal preparations before my Fringe debut… Gary and Kate had arrived the night before and had been busy flyering, thankfully and we had a full-house! Over 70 people in… for our debut!  We were chuffed, it was a very good first show and we decided that first night to give our ‘bucket’ collection to charity, specifically the victims of the Somalia famine.  The ‘bucket’ is what we earned essentially.  As we were part of LH we didn’t charge people to come see the show, so we made a plea to the audience at the end of each show that if they enjoyed it, ‘take some change, fold it up and leave it in the bucket’ on their way out.  This kept us going day-to-day and we probably averaged around £15 each per day.  Our record bucket collection was £50 each!

Kate, Gary and Me before our first show!
Our flyering started at about 5 hours a day and we actually enjoyed it at the beginning it tapped right into my attention-seeking and obnoxious sensibilities, but once the rain started and the tourists became more and more jaded, flyering became harder to the point that by the end we barely did it an hour before the show.  Our flyering technique was pretty laughable too.  We’d flyer for two minutes and then chat to each other for 10 minutes and then flyer for another two minutes before another well earned ‘time-out’!  Considering this and our late time slot 23.15-00.15, we did really well attendance wise.  The odd night wasn’t great, but I’d say we averaged circa 40 people a night which is pretty darned impressive for three unknown comics!

I should mention at this stage our wonderful Emcee, Laura Carr who did a fantastic job for us.  She was great at bantering and warming the crowd up for us ensuring whoever was on first had it easier than could’ve been otherwise!  In hindsight we probably should have done our own emceeing with the opening act, sacrificing 5 minutes at the top to build audience-rapport, but we were so nervous about our own material we took the easy option and to be fair Laura was aces!  I hope to gain a lot of emceeing experience over the coming 12 months.

My next post will be about my Fringe highlights, but I would say our show was a success… We weren’t great every night, but as luck would have it, when we needed to be we performed well.  We received a 5* review from WhatsonStage and a 4* review from Three Weeks!  Happy Days!  We also got a mixed review from Fringe Report, but they didn’t give stars.  I took a couple of things away to work on, notably taking every gig seriously and not treating the audience with contempt as I sometimes can do and to appear more energetic on stage.

The other big part of doing Edinburgh as a comic is the open-spots.  This is when you’re a guest on other people’s shows.  This can be a mixed-blessing as it can be a good advert for your show, or it’s just a spot you take for granted and don’t give your all at.  Having said that I’d like to thank all the people who gave/offered me spots at the Fringe… Thank you!

It is important when taking a show up with someone that you have a good relationship with them and I’m lucky to have met Gary at my third gig and Kate not long after that and I can honestly say they are my two BEST friends on the circuit, so when we got annoyed with each other, which is inevitable as we were hanging out with each other 24/7, it wasn’t a huge deal and we could laugh it off after brief periods of sulkiness.

There was a lot of tom-foolery going on...
During the day if I wasn’t sleeping, flyering or otherwise chilling-out, I went to see as many shows as I possibly could.  I chose what I wanted to see carefully and as luck would have it, I didn’t see a single bad show.  Some were obviously better than others and my personal highlights were Adam Riches, Randy the puppet, Josie Long, Imran Yusuf and Nick Helm… all very different performers, all equally brilliant and inspirational… food for thought as scores of ideas went through my head as to what I’d want my solo show to look like.

Post-shows we normally hung around the Three Sisters where we were usually met by other comics and then we’d normally move onto the Library bar in the Gilded Balloon til the wee early hours.

Three Sisters pub.  We performed in the room just above the archway. Hence: A Room with a View
Oh what I forgot to add was that the Islamic holy month of Ramadhan this year was from the 1st-30th August, which meant I was fasting the whole time I was doing the Fringe… That’s right, no food or water for 18 hours a day!  Who’s the hero?  This guy!

It is highly likely that I won’t be doing the Fringe next year because of work reasons which would be a darned shame… but my plan is to come back in 2013 with a two-hander and possibly a sketch show with Chuckle Sandwich and then I’d like to bring my own solo-show in 2014!  The hard-work starts in earnest…

- Tez

Look out for my next post (coming very soon) where I bring you my highlights of my time at this years Fringe!

Sunday, 24 July 2011

3. Amir 'King' Khan and Haters

It's 4.07am and I've just finished watching the Amir Khan v Zab Judah boxing fight.


Amir 'King' Khan
I've been a big fan of boxing for a number of years now and remember well when Khan was Britain's only boxing representative at the 2004 Olympics in Athens, he wowed the boxing fraternity and brought home Silver, losing in the final to the legendary Cuban and one of the greatest amateur boxers ever, Mario Kindelan.  All that at the age of 17!

I have a soft spot for Khan for several reasons, but the main two are that like myself he's a British-Pakistani Muslim, which automatically makes him a huge role-model and secondly he's a local Lancashire lad, albeit from Bolton, but hey, we can't all be from Blackburn right!  Us Brit-Pak's don't really have a lot of successful celebrity role-models, so we have to support the few we do through thick and thin!

Since the Olympics, Khan has divided opinion, some argue that he has often been handed things on a plate which other boxers have to work a lot harder for and they may have had a point except that Khan IS an Olympic silver-medallist and a poster-boy for the future of British boxing he was always going to get some breaks... get over it!  There's also the nasty element too... If you YouTube some of Khan's early victories, some of the abuse and vitriol hurled at him in the comments section is astonishing and disgusting, with sinister racial undertones...  The thing is Khan is very proud to be British (he regularly wears the Union Jack on his shorts), but he is also very proud of his Pakistani heritage and loves his religion... It's 2011 and it's great that 99% of people in Britain can accept that... (this number is based on 0 scientific study and like all great stats was plucked out the air)

To anyone from any walk of life... You will NEVER please everyone... Usually the number of people that don't like what you do, who you are etc. is probably greater than 1%, but ignore the haters, why waste your energy on those that are ignorant to your talents...  I've just come back recently from New York and some of my Black American friends have a saying out there that neatly summarises this... 'You do you, fuck everythin' else'!


Amir Khan's giant billboard in New York Times Square! #proud
As for Amir Khan, despite suffering a brutal loss in 2008 - which gave much joy to his haters - he has come back STRONG and that comeback journey culminated tonight in him unifying the light-welterweight division of boxing!  He was down, he made drastic changes, he learnt his lesson, he shut-out his haters and he's conquering the world stage, the world is his oyster and who knows, maybe in 18 months time he may very well be the best pound-for-pound boxer in the entire world...

... As for me, I'm gonna use this night as an inspiration to learn to overcome the bad comedy gigs, learn the lessons, make the changes and do what I need to do to get to where I want to be...

And who knows Amir, maybe I'll see you in Hollywood someday!

- Tez

Friday, 17 June 2011

2. Happy Birthday to Me!

Yesterday (June 16th) was my comedy birthday!  My first anniversary of performing stand-up comedy.

Now for those of you out there who are not happy with your lot and are cruising through your mundane life, let me demonstrate what can be achieved in a year with an ounce of talent and pounds of hard work:
  • June 16th 2010 – Made my stand-up comedy debut
  • August 15th – Died on stage for the first time.  Also my first compering gig.  Was better for the experience!
  • Sept 18th – Gigged on a pro-night for the first time (will explain the difference between pro-nights and new act nights in another entry)
  • Oct 16th – Gigged out of London for the first time in the lovely picturesque town of Swanage, Dorset. Had to take a ferry to get there!  Lovely middle-class older audience who ‘liked the cut of my jib’
  • Nov 2nd – Set-up my own new act night with my good friend Stu George at the restaurant/bar he runs, Navajo Joe in Covent Garden.  The first monthly Covent Gag-Den was a resounding success and we have continued to run this gig on the first Tues of every month!  Come down and see what the fuss is about?
The Covent Gag-Den - first Tuesday of every  month
  • 2nd Dec – After a few weeks of intense rehearsals, made my debut on the sketch show ‘United Colours of Comedy’, was a lot of fun doing something different to straight stand-up and I’d like to thank Victor Daniels for the opportunity and faith he placed in me.  Look out for more UCC shows later this year
  • 12th Dec – With over 300 entrants and after three rounds, I found myself in the final of the Leicester Square New Comedian of the Year 2010 competition.  Competition was stiff and I delivered a super-set, was unlucky to not place but got a nice review from Steve Bennett.  He runs the comedy website Chortle and is the comedy equivalent of Simon Cowell
  • 2nd Jan 2011 – Survived the King Gong show at the Comedy Store in Manchester.  This is the worst gong show of them all, where the audience has the power to vote you off any time before your 5 minutes are up.  Survivors then go into a clap-off to determine a winner.  It remains to this day, the most vicious gig I have ever done.  Basically 2 minutes of set-ups and 3 minutes of me slamming hecklers… Boy did I slam some of them!  Great experience and made me stronger.  Didn’t win, but the guy who did win deserved it on the night
  • 8th Jan – Another competition final.  This time the Max Turner Comedy Prize at the Cavendish Arms in Stockwell.  This comp is run in memory of a comic, Max Turner, who died 2 years earlier.  Got the runner-up spot (3rd) out of a 100 acts.  Gave my £25 prize money to the charity that the night was supporting
  • 9th Jan – Made my debut on the black comedy circuit.  The black circuit runs in parallel to the mainstream circuit but is run by black people for black people and is notoriously difficult to crack.  Like British singers trying to crack Hollywood in that respect.  Many a Cheryl Cole has died on the black circuit.  I smashed it… Standard.
Smashing at The Sunday Comedy Club
  • 31st Jan – Having survived the King Gong at the Manchester Comedy Store, I tried another crack at the King Gong at THE Comedy Store in Piccadilly Circus.  Was another vicious night, with a handful of acts doing well, but the majority of them crashed and burned.  I went on last with a ‘fuck-it’ attitude and managed to have a stormer, one of the best gigs I’ve ever done and after the one-minute laugh-off I was crowned Jan 2011 King Gong!  All this with heckles of E-E-E-D-L coming from the back of the room... What a month :-)
  • 5th Feb – I got paid for the first time!  Only £10 but it was the first ££s I’d ever received and it made me happy
  • 28th Mar – My first real set-back.  I was knocked out of the Amused Moose competition in the first round.  I wasn’t very good and didn’t deserve to progress.  Was disappointing because I really wanted to do well in this competition as it is a good indicator of what you can achieve as all former winners/finalists are either HUGE names in comedy or at least making sizeable waves
  • 4th May – One setback followed relatively quickly by another.  This time got knocked out of the Laughing Horse New Act of the Year at the semi-final stage.  Felt very hard done by if I’m honest as I thought I’d done more than enough to at least get into the pool of runners-up spot, but on the night didn’t even make the top-3 which not only flabbergasted me, but also some other comics and audience who were there... Alas... Give me BBC NCA any day!
Other points to make:
  • I performed 119 gigs in my first 12 months!
  • I held down a very demanding full-time job
  • I ran the London Marathon after months of training in a time of 4hours 12minutes 28seconds!
Post London Marathon
  • I have managed to take 4 weeks worth of holidays/time-off where I didn’t gig at all
  • You really find out who your friends are when you embark on something ‘different’ and I’d just like to give a huge thanks to Abs Awan, Chris Wade, Zaira Shaal, Stu George, Charlotte Scott, Waqas Khan, Bilal Mansoor and Nousheen Bangee who have been extremely supportive... Love you guys x
  • I have met some AMAZING people on my journey so far who I am proud to call my friends and who I hope will be in my life forever and ever... Amen!  They know who they are x
Looking forward over the next couple months I have:
  • 18th Jun – So tomorrow I am in the FINAL of the BBC Radio 2 New Comedy Award... A bit of a big deal... To be honest writing this post is NOT helping me to relax in the way I thought it would!
  • 2nd Aug – Another day another final.  This time the final of the Red Hot 24 Talent Search for a new comic.  I’ll be up against 4 others, should be fun night
  • 4th – 28th Aug – I am attending and performing in my first ever Edinburgh Fringe Festival... Albeit the Laughing Horse Free Fringe.  I’m also going to be fasting all month so this is going to be a huge mental and physical challenge for me.  The show I’m in ‘Chuckle Sandwich presents: Gags, Songs & Bombs!’ is a showcase with two other hugely talented acts, Kate Lucas and Gary Tro.  You can catch the show every day from 23.15–00.15 in, A Room With a View, The Three Sisters, Cowgate, Edinburgh

A lot to take in?  Know this reader... You are capable of so much more than you are doing right now... Go out there, chase your dreams, whatever those may be... And reach for the stars...

From a personal perspective, I am still only at the start of my journey, I am a complete and utter novice at stand-up despite the relative successes of the past 12 months and if I want to achieve the success and appreciation I crave, I have SOOO much hard work ahead of me... But, I love doing this and I’m prepared to work for it... See you on the other side people!

- Tez

Friday, 3 June 2011

1. Blogging...

My first post!  I haven't really got this blogging business off the ground yet, but my bff Abs runs a brilliant blog here:  http://www.haveyoumetabs.info/
Read it, it's highly entertaining!

My bff: Abs
Actually I should probably plug the very interesting blogs of 2 of my other very good friends whilst I'm at it:
Zaira Shaal - http://www.myheartlivesinlondon.blogspot.com/


Another great new blog I have started reading very recently is: http://but-seriously.co.uk/

I think their example has inspired me to start my own blog.  I was also given a lot of advice recently (1hr 15mins worth!) from an Agent, a bit of that advice which really stuck out was to start a blog... So although this post is not really saying anything, I will endeavour to blog at least once a week on 'stuff'.  This is not a promise and I don't want it legally binding, but it's an achievable aim I feel.

I think my next blog entry will be on my comedy journey and how and why I got started and what I have gained from it so far...  So stay tuned and see you in about a week!

- Tez