9. Citizen Khan't

17th Nov 2012 edit - So having watched the full series, I actually really enjoyed it.  Not the greatest sitcom of all time, but once I got over the fact that it wasn't The Thick Of It, I could enjoy it for what it was, an old-fashioned sitcom poking fun at valid stereotypes.  And as I predicted, Dave the Mosque Manager, is the best character!  I'll definitely tune into season 2.

Much has been said and written this week, following the debut of BBC’s newest sitcom, ‘Citizen Khan’, much of it negative.  A lot of strong opinions are forming all over the internet, prominently from British (Pakistani) Muslims, who either enjoyed the show (yes there are lots who did), didn’t enjoy the show and offered constructive criticism, or didn’t enjoy the show and were so offended by it, that they are spewing venom.  Yes every community has its trolls!

BBC's newest sitcom, Citizen Khan

I am a British-born Pakistani Muslim and I did not enjoy this show. It’s not because I found it offensive, but just because it wasn't very funny unfortunately. I was disappointed as this is the first sitcom based on a British-Asian family and its success could lead to more opportunities for British-Asian talent. I am hopeful it well get better. Many sitcoms start off with dubious pilots and go on to great success, the first episode of Friends wasn't great and look how that turned out!

The Mr. Khan character, on which this show is based, started out a few years ago on the ‘Bellamy’s People’ sketch show and subsequently starred in a string of YouTube videos, from delivering alternative Christmas messages to explaining cricket from a Pakistani perspective.  Adil Ray plays the character brilliantly and Mr. Khan IS hilarious, it is easy to see why BBC execs thought a sitcom based around the character would be a success.  Unfortunately, the out-dated stereotypes, lazy script and ham acting, has meant that the show has suffered a mediocre start.  But as I said, I’m hopeful it will get better!

Mr. Khan making his excellent debut in Bellamy's People

The reason for this blog post however, is that I wanted to address the attitudes of the trolls spewing their venom.  The reason they have been so offended, is that they claim this show has insulted Islam.  It pains me to make such an obvious point, but there is a clear difference between mocking Islam and mocking Muslims. As a Muslim I am fully against mocking Islam (or any religious belief for that matter, but that’s a separate debate), but I am for mocking Muslims (or followers of other religious beliefs) in a way that is done well and intelligently.  The best modern example of this is Four Lions, a brilliant movie mocking the views and actions of Muslim terrorists.  This film could have been very offensive, but was done with a great deal of sensitivity and research and hence was well received.

Whilst I don't think Citizen Khan mocked Islam, but Muslims, it just wasn't funny and hence, people found it offensive. (This is a point I’ve been discussing with friends this week, if something is inherently offensive, but you find it subjectively funny, you are likely to let it slide, however, if you don’t find it funny, that is when you can become offended.) Being honest all British-Muslims will confess to knowing a girl like Aliya, who is 'religious' at home but not so 'religious' outside of her home. Young women like her exist, so she is a valid stereotype. Additionally I knew lots of young people (I may or may not have been one), who when younger had to read the Qur'an at home, but when their parents back was turned they start doing something else (e.g. playing video games) and when their parents came back into the room they pretend to pray again, stuff like that happens! It is a valid representation. It is supposed to be a comedy. Where would be the humour in showing a practising well-balanced Muslim family? The irony of course is that unfortunately this show wasn't funny anyway.

I am slightly confused by the over-sensitivity. It was obvious that the show was mocking those particular Muslims and their hypocrisies, not Islam. Hence the character of the Mosque manager ‘Dave’ (my favourite character so far), will be important going forward as he explains ACTUAL Islam, not cultural Islam, just as he does in this episode. At no point was actual Islam mocked, but the way in which some cultures and families treat it is. See the difference?

Islam doesn’t have a history of satire and Muslims don’t take ridicule of our religion lightly.  However, it seems that some Muslims today measure their faith by how angry they get when offended.  There are other means of protest, other than wishing for the producers of the show to ‘rot in hell’!  It is important to stress here that 3.6m watched the pilot episode and just over 200 complaints have been received (to date), so either trolls don’t complain, or this whole thing has been blown out of proportion?

Anyway if you want to see a Muslim sitcom that is actually funny, I suggest you try and catch the Canadian show, 'Little Mosque on the Prairie'.  Peace x

- Tez

8. An Open Letter to the Venkys

For the attention of: Mrs Anuradha Desai and Messrs Balaji and Venkatesh Rao.

It has taken me some weeks to crystallise my thoughts and so I must start this letter by apologising for its tardiness.  Of course this apology is largely symbolic, mainly because you are very unlikely to read this and secondly because if by chance you do, I do sincerely hope it will humble you into make an apology of your own.  Whether you are able to admit or not, YOU do owe an apology to the fans of Blackburn Rovers FC and to the town of Blackburn and all its inhabitants, football fans or not.

 It is difficult to imagine how you could have done a better job of mismanaging Rovers in the way that you have.  In fact there’s something quite impressive in just how bad a job you have done!  I’ve quietly suspected that you may even be closet Burnley fans (I suspect this reference is lost on you), but even a Dingle would have deemed your disastrous tenure a far-fetched fantasy when you took over 20 months ago.

When you bought my beloved club in November 2010, did you know of its proud history and tradition?  That we were a well-run football club, with the best chairmen in the Premier League who you forced out (John Williams, remember him?  He has since been appointed to a senior role at Manchester City, heard of them?) and a club battling against the tide and punching above our weight?  Did you even know that Rovers were a founding member of the football league, a founding member of the Premier League and the only team in the history of English football to win the FA Cup three years in a row?  I would suggest not, especially as has been largely reported that you didn’t even know about relegation!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  Rovers’ fans don’t believe that we have a God-given right to play in the Premier League, but what we do expect is people in charge of our club having the slightest notion that they know what they are doing and they have a plan, for better or worse… Just what have you brought to the table?  What value have you added to Rovers or English football in general?

I haven’t even mentioned Steve Kean yet!  You promoted Kean, the previous manager’s no. 3 in command and have never really explained why.  His record speaks for itself, 13 wins from 60 odd games is AWFUL, AWFUL, AWFUL!  What hold does he have over you?  Does he have compromising pictures of you in an incestuous love sandwich?  What other reasons can there be for his continuing employment?

Below is a very brief summary of why Steve Kean should be sacked:

·         The unscrupulous way in which he got the job.  All Rovers fans are aware that Kean is a client of Kentaro.  Kentaro were your principal football advisors when you took charge of the club.  It is not a coincidence that after meeting with Kean (with Kentaro in tow), he was given the job a week later.  I’m sure you’re aware of this, but it wouldn’t surprise me if you weren’t, that Sam Allardyce won promotion with his new team, West Ham, and so will be in the Premier League next year, whilst Rovers will not be…  Seems like he’s had the last laugh!

·         His contempt of the fans.  Kean has time and time again shown utter contempt for the fans thought his ludicrous comments over the course of the season.  Why wasn’t he told to shut up?  He was talking up a top-10 finish as late as December this past season, at a point when we were really up to our necks in chicken shit!  He has a smugness to him that emanates after every post-match interview, blaming everything but his own utter incompetence.

·         He was convicted of drink-driving last year and lied in court to try and cover his tracks.

·         The fans hate him.  The mixture of poor results, smug statements and lies have meant that the fans have absolutely turned on him, to the point that it would be kinder to grind him up into feed and give him to your flock of battery-farmed chickens.

·         The YouTube video, which showed him to be the man he really his.  Hugely disrespectful to the man who gave him his job as coach in the first place and making empty smug promises to the fans.

The man is a snake and a fool.  Who else would admit to forfeiting a game?

Another fear for Rovers fans is the apparent financial mismanagement at the club.  There are real fears that you are going to asset-strip the club and hang us out to dry.  Paul Hunt’s letter after the Bolton game aired some real concerns and it is a shame you dismissed someone who seemed like he knew what he was doing, but kept on Steve Kean?  Your decisions make no sense!

There is real anger amongst Rovers fans and yet all is not lost.  You only have to look at the example of Mike Ashley, owner of Newcastle, to see how he turned things around.  Newcastle were relegated two seasons ago (also after prematurely sacking Sam Allardyce!) and the whole of Newcastle turned on Mike Ashley, much in the same way that Blackburn has turned on you.  However, he has managed to turn it around and Newcastle are now doing very well.  There is a difference however, Ashley has always shown a passion for football, he always attends games and is on hand to make decisions himself.

YOU NEED A PRESENCE IN BLACKBURN.  Get off your fat asses and come to Blackburn and take control, if not from a footballing sense, then from a business sense at least!

There is a lot more I wanted to say here, but I didn’t want to burden you with more than you can take.  You’re obviously busy people and I’m hoping that you see fit to read this letter in the 5 minutes a month you spend on dealing with Rovers issues.

Just to summarise:

·         Sack Steve Kean and remove him from the club and also appoint a strong, sensible CEO, based in Blackburn who can make good footballing decisions in your absence.

·         Communicate with the fans.  Take responsibility for the disaster so far, show some humility, apologise and start again.  You say you are in this for the long-term, well please tell us what your plans are?!

·         Invest and do what is necessary to ensure we don’t slide further into obscurity.  If you are not able, then please sell us to someone who is willing to do so.

Blackburn Rovers means so much to me and thousands of others.   Please don’t take your responsibilities lightly.  Football is a means of escapism for so many, especially in these tough economic times, we find solace in our heroes, however, you are making this unnecessarily hard for us.  Thousands have not renewed their season tickets and thousands have refused to purchase the new replica shirts, and will continue to refuse until we have a clear indication of what the plan is for next season.

I am but a humble comedian, yet try as I might, I could never write a joke better than what you are turning my club into.

Regards,

- Tez Ilyas

Stand-up comedian and Blackburn Rovers fan

7. 'There are downsides to being this funny': Why comics hate me for being too hilarious

On a recent flight to New York, I was delighted when a stewardess came over and asked me to tell her a joke. ‘The captain told me to ask you — he told me that he overheard you in the airport lounge and that you are totes funny,’ she explained. You’re probably thinking ‘what a lovely surprise’. But while it was lovely, it wasn’t a surprise. At least, not for me.

'Hilarious guy': But Tez Ilyas says that his humour has been a mixed blessing, with many of his comedy peers becoming resentful, and have closed as many doors as they have opened

Throughout my life, I’ve regularly had people asking for little quips and anecdotes, usually by people I don’t even know. Once, a well-dressed chap bought my train ticket when I was telling jokes behind him in the queue, it was my boss at work and we were covered by company expenses, but the time he saved me was invaluable, while there was another occasion when a charming lady paid my fare as I stepped out of a cab in Paris, yes it was my mum, but whatever innit.
Another time, as I was walking through London’s Portobello Road market, I was tapped on the shoulder and presented with a beautiful bunch of flowers, when I took them, water squirted out of them into my face… clowns! Even bar tenders frequently shoo my credit card away when I try to settle my bill, tap water they tell me is free in their bar.
And whenever I’ve asked what I’ve done to deserve such treatment, the donors of these gifts have always said the same thing: my hilarious jokes and witty banter made their day.


While I’m no Joe Pasquale, I’m witty, charming, spontaneous and so I’m often told, a funny man. I know how lucky I am. But there are downsides to being funny — the main one being that other comics hate me for no other reason than my hilarity.
If you’re a comic reading this [who else would be], I’d hazard that you’ve already formed your own opinion about me — and it won’t be very flattering. For while many doors have been opened (literally) as a result of my humour, just as many have been metaphorically slammed in my face — and usually by my own peers.
I’m not smug and I’m no show-off, yet over the years I’ve been dropped by countless comics who felt threatened if I was merely in the presence of their fans. If their fans dared to actually talk to me, a sudden chill would descend on the room.

Taken: Tez with two of his admirers, they take great pride in hearing other people declare that he's a brilliant comic and always tells him to laugh off bitchy comments from other comics 

And it is not just jealous comics who have frozen me out of their lives. Insecure promoters have also barred me from working at their clubs and agent refuse to sign-me lest I take away the shine from their existing clients. And most poignantly of all, not one friend has ever asked me to be his best man. This has nothing to do with the fact that my best friend has yet to get married… nothing.
You’d think we comics would applaud each other for taking pride in our humour.
I work at mine — I don’t drink or smoke, I watch tonnes of panel shows, even when I don’t feel like it, and very rarely succumb to modesty. Unfortunately comics find nothing more annoying than someone else being the funniest person in a room.
Take last week, out walking the dogs a comic drove past me. I quipped that she must have ate all the pies — bare hilarious – she blatantly blanked me/didn’t see me at all. Yet this is someone who I have work-shopped material with, and who has gigged with me on several occasions. I approached a mutual friend and discreetly enquired if I’d made a faux pas, or a fox paws if you will… I know, I know, I’ll stop. It seems the only crime I’ve committed is not leaving the house with a bag over my head. She doesn’t like me, I discovered, because she views me as a threat. The friend pointed out she is slower, less articulate and a joke thief.
And, according to our mutual friend, she is adamant that I could do her material, ‘were the right circumstances in place’. Yet I’m happy with my material, and have been for the past two years. 
This isn’t the first time such paranoia has gripped the comics around me. When I first started being funny out in the open, one promoter would regularly invite me for drinks after a long hard open-mic gig.
I always accepted his invitation, as during the gig we got along famously. But one evening one of his audience members also joined us. We were all a few drinks into the evening. Then the audience member and I said we both liked one of my jokes that I did.
The promoter laid into the bewildered audience member for being a ‘fan-boy’, then turned on me, calling me unrepeatable names before ridiculing me for my sharp wit and crisp suits. I declined any further invitations.
Therapist Marly Pees, author of self-help guide Totes Obvs Confidence, says that comics have always measured themselves against each other by their wit rather than achievements — and it can make the lives of the few hilarious standout comics very difficult. ‘Many of my clients are amazing comics, yet people are always astounded when I explain they don’t have it easy,’ she says. If you are a funny comic other shit comics think you lead a perfect life — which simply isn’t true.

Hard work: Tez takes pride in his appearance. He watches tonnes of panel shows - even when he doesn't feel like it - he doesn't drink, he doesn't smoke... and rarely does he succumb to modesty

‘They don’t realise you are just as vulnerable as they are. It’s hard when everyone resents you for your humour. Promoters think “what’s the point, he’s too big to play my room” and don’t ask you too. And comics don’t want to hang out with someone funnier than they are.’
I certainly found that out the hard way, particularly on the circuit.
One gig I accepted was blighted by a jealous promoter. It was the height of the Nameless City Comedy Festival and I’d opted to perform my B-materal. They were great jokes, yet accessible; more Keith Chegwin than Peter Kay.
But the promoter pulled me aside after I left the stage (to a rapturous applause, I think they wanted more) and informed me my jokes were making the audience laugh too much, which made life difficult for their favourite acts. I didn’t dare point out that the audience also laughed at their jokes too.
Rather than argue, I did the rest of the festival, performing my C-material, something about butter not being slippery enough for anal sex. It was clear that when you have an insecure promoter, it’s best to let their favourites shine.


With one phenomenally tricky promoter, I eventually managed to carve out a positive working relationship. But a year in, his attitude towards me changed; the deterioration began when he started to put on weight and my set at the time was littered with fat jokes.
One of many fans recommended that I enter the ‘Must be Nominated by Two Promoters New Act of the Year Award’, which meant doors would have opened for me around the south-west. 
All I needed were two personal recommendations to be eligible. As everyone on the circuit knows, I’m totes hilarious, I was fuckin’ dynamite during that period, I was so good, I didn’t think this would be a problem.
But while one promoter nominated me without hesitation, this other promoter, who was also an act, a shit act, but an act, refused to nominate me. When I asked his mate why, he pulled me to one side and explained that this promoter was jealous of me. Standard.
Things between us rapidly deteriorated. Whenever I wrote something new he’d sneer at me in front of other comics and heckle me whilst I was on stage that he was the star, not me.
After another 30 gigs, I told him I’d never work his club again. Privately he begged me to come back, blaming the nasty comments on his hormones. He was in his early 40s and confided he was having problems being funny. But by then I’d had enough.


I find that older comics are the most hostile to funny people — perhaps because they feel their own bloom fading. Because my fans are older than me, after gigs my social circle is that bit older too.
One old fan, Pierre, takes great pride in hearing other people declare that I’m a really funny and always tells me to laugh off bitchy comments from other comics.


I find dinner parties and social gatherings fraught and if I can’t wriggle out of them, then I often tone down my awesome personality so I’m not the centre of attention, which is hard.
I dread the inevitable sarky comments. ‘Here he comes. We’re in the village hall yet Tez is making jokes like he’s at Wembley Arena… Stop skipping!’ was one I recently overheard.
But even downplaying my banter and personality don’t always work.
Take last summer at a funeral I attended. At one point the host, who was mourning the loss of her husband of 50 years, decided she wanted everyone who knew her husband to say something. Everyone suggested I open, as they wanted a strong start to the proceedings.
Another woman, his daughter or something daft, I barely knew her, but she pushed me out of the way, shouting it wasn’t fair on all the other comics if I opened as I would be too hard an act to follow. I was devastated and burst into tears. On my own in the loos one comic privately consoled me — well out of ear-shot of the others.


So now here I am only 29 (on Sunday) and one of a handful of comics welcoming the decline of my humour and superior wit. I can’t wait for the onset of Alzheimer’s that will help me blend into the background, because as we know, you’re at your funniest when you’re young… I think you peak at 23. Perhaps then the comic fraternity will finally stop judging me so harshly on what I say on stage and how I entertain audiences everywhere and instead accept me for who I am… One of them.
Peace.


- Tez

5. Fringe Highlights

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4. My Virgin Fringe

This post is not an anecdote about my first hair-cut – as hilarious as that probably was, I don’t remember it – but about my first ever Edinburgh Fringe Festival (Fringe).  The Fringe is the biggest Arts Festival in the world and attracts a variety of performers – anything from serious theatre to street dance to comedy and everything in between – and audiences from all over the world.  This year there were a staggering 41,689 performances of 2,542 shows!

I’d never been to the Fringe before, but I’m so thankful I’d been to Edinburgh (twice), so I knew the lay of the land a wee bit, because with over 250 performance spaces that shit can be confusing!

Beautiful Edinburgh!

Now usually people who attend their first Fringe do so to sample the atmosphere, see some shows and generally see how that organised mess works.  I’m not most people.  I decided with my two comedy bffs (Gary Tro and Kate Lucas – two of my favourite comics, check them out if you can, they’re aces) to take a show for the entire run, 25 nights… Say whaaaaat!  We decided that our comedy collective will be called Chuckle Sandwich and our show was ‘intriguingly titled’: Gags, Songs & Bombs!  The idea was that Gary was gags, Kate was songs and er… I was bombs – lazy stereotype? CHECK!

Chuckle Sandwich presents: Gags, Songs & Bombs!

You may be thinking… ‘Wow, that sounds bare expensive bruv’… You’d be right, it can be.  You can expect to pay anything from £3k-£15k for a venue for the entire run!  Then you take into account accommodation costs, day-to-day living expenses and money spent on leisure and you’re looking at a considerable loss!  However, there exists two avenues for inexperienced and financially inept performers like me, Peter Buckley Hill’s Free Fringe (PBH) and the Laughing Horse Free Festival (LH).  Two rival companies who essentially offer the same service.  They have a clientele of around 15+ venues each, which provide free space for performers during the month.  A room above/below a pub kind of deal.

We were originally going to sign-up with PBH and made tentative enquiries with them, but things like ‘if you think you’re doing us a favour, you can fuck-off’ written into their contract was a bit of a turn-off, so we ended up with LH.  A decision which has led to me being black-listed by PBH.  Whatevs, my conscience is clear as water as I did nothing wrong.  If you want to know more about this episode (I promise you it’s not very interesting) and my thoughts about it then get in touch with me personally.  We had no regrets with LH and will definitely use them again in the future.

It’s quite a big endeavour taking a show to Edinburgh, especially for the whole run.  You have to find accommodation and I owe Rachel Anderson (hugely funny comic) a lot in that regard as she sorted this out for us.  The other big thing is sorting out your performance space.  We ended up with ‘A Room with a View’ in the ‘The Three Sisters’ pub on Cowgate, one of the main through fares for tourists and locals, so a pretty awesome space all things considered.  The only negative we had, was that we did occasionally suffer from noise pollution, both from the adjacent room and the courtyard below, which did affect our performances at times, but it was part of the steep learning curve we had signed up to.

Once you’ve done these two big things, you then have to register (circa £300), make sure you submit your show to the Fringe magazine and LH brochure, design flyers and posters, print flyers and posters, negotiate leave from work… All of this before you even start thinking about what you’re going to say once you’re up on that stage!

We organised two previews on successive nights in late May in the basement room of Leicester Square Theatre, a room which held good memories for me as I’d previously qualified for the final of the Leicester Square New Comedian of the Year Competition there in December 2010.  The previews went really well, which was important for me as I had a lot of people from work there who’d never seen me before.  Going into the festival I was confident of my 15-20 minutes and even left some ‘gold’ material out as I wanted to hone as much new stuff as possible

Speaking to people who’d been to the Fringe in previous years, we were told to be prepared for rain, low attendances, rain, mental breakdowns, rain, fall-outs with friends, rain, lots of fun, rain and general debaucherous mayhem… oh and rain!  We got the rain, we had the fun, we were stretched and pushed, but all-in-all we didn’t really have the nightmare scenarios that others had experienced before us and long may that continue!

I arrived in Edinburgh, late evening on the 4^th August after work, 90 minutes before our first show.  Not ideal preparations before my Fringe debut… Gary and Kate had arrived the night before and had been busy flyering, thankfully and we had a full-house! Over 70 people in… for our debut!  We were chuffed, it was a very good first show and we decided that first night to give our ‘bucket’ collection to charity, specifically the victims of the Somalia famine.  The ‘bucket’ is what we earned essentially.  As we were part of LH we didn’t charge people to come see the show, so we made a plea to the audience at the end of each show that if they enjoyed it, ‘take some change, fold it up and leave it in the bucket’ on their way out.  This kept us going day-to-day and we probably averaged around £15 each per day.  Our record bucket collection was £50 each!

Kate, Gary and Me before our first show!

Our flyering started at about 5 hours a day and we actually enjoyed it at the beginning it tapped right into my attention-seeking and obnoxious sensibilities, but once the rain started and the tourists became more and more jaded, flyering became harder to the point that by the end we barely did it an hour before the show.  Our flyering technique was pretty laughable too.  We’d flyer for two minutes and then chat to each other for 10 minutes and then flyer for another two minutes before another well earned ‘time-out’!  Considering this and our late time slot 23.15-00.15, we did really well attendance wise.  The odd night wasn’t great, but I’d say we averaged circa 40 people a night which is pretty darned impressive for three unknown comics!

I should mention at this stage our wonderful Emcee, Laura Carr who did a fantastic job for us.  She was great at bantering and warming the crowd up for us ensuring whoever was on first had it easier than could’ve been otherwise!  In hindsight we probably should have done our own emceeing with the opening act, sacrificing 5 minutes at the top to build audience-rapport, but we were so nervous about our own material we took the easy option and to be fair Laura was aces!  I hope to gain a lot of emceeing experience over the coming 12 months.

My next post will be about my Fringe highlights, but I would say our show was a success… We weren’t great every night, but as luck would have it, when we needed to be we performed well.  We received a 5* review from WhatsonStage and a 4* review from Three Weeks!  Happy Days!  We also got a mixed review from Fringe Report, but they didn’t give stars.  I took a couple of things away to work on, notably taking every gig seriously and not treating the audience with contempt as I sometimes can do and to appear more energetic on stage.

The other big part of doing Edinburgh as a comic is the open-spots.  This is when you’re a guest on other people’s shows.  This can be a mixed-blessing as it can be a good advert for your show, or it’s just a spot you take for granted and don’t give your all at.  Having said that I’d like to thank all the people who gave/offered me spots at the Fringe… Thank you!

It is important when taking a show up with someone that you have a good relationship with them and I’m lucky to have met Gary at my third gig and Kate not long after that and I can honestly say they are my two BEST friends on the circuit, so when we got annoyed with each other, which is inevitable as we were hanging out with each other 24/7, it wasn’t a huge deal and we could laugh it off after brief periods of sulkiness.

There was a lot of tom-foolery going on...

During the day if I wasn’t sleeping, flyering or otherwise chilling-out, I went to see as many shows as I possibly could.  I chose what I wanted to see carefully and as luck would have it, I didn’t see a single bad show.  Some were obviously better than others and my personal highlights were Adam Riches, Randy the puppet, Josie Long, Imran Yusuf and Nick Helm… all very different performers, all equally brilliant and inspirational… food for thought as scores of ideas went through my head as to what I’d want my solo show to look like.

Post-shows we normally hung around the Three Sisters where we were usually met by other comics and then we’d normally move onto the Library bar in the Gilded Balloon til the wee early hours.

Three Sisters pub.  We performed in the room just above the archway. Hence: A Room with a View

Oh what I forgot to add was that the Islamic holy month of Ramadhan this year was from the 1^st-30^th August, which meant I was fasting the whole time I was doing the Fringe… That’s right, no food or water for 18 hours a day!  Who’s the hero?  This guy!

It is highly likely that I won’t be doing the Fringe next year because of work reasons which would be a darned shame… but my plan is to come back in 2013 with a two-hander and possibly a sketch show with Chuckle Sandwich and then I’d like to bring my own solo-show in 2014!  The hard-work starts in earnest…

- Tez

Look out for my next post (coming very soon) where I bring you my highlights of my time at this years Fringe!

3. Amir 'King' Khan and Haters

It's 4.07am and I've just finished watching the Amir Khan v Zab Judah boxing fight.

Amir 'King' Khan

I've been a big fan of boxing for a number of years now and remember well when Khan was Britain's only boxing representative at the 2004 Olympics in Athens, he wowed the boxing fraternity and brought home Silver, losing in the final to the legendary Cuban and one of the greatest amateur boxers ever, Mario Kindelan.  All that at the age of 17!

I have a soft spot for Khan for several reasons, but the main two are that like myself he's a British-Pakistani Muslim, which automatically makes him a huge role-model and secondly he's a local Lancashire lad, albeit from Bolton, but hey, we can't all be from Blackburn right!  Us Brit-Pak's don't really have a lot of successful celebrity role-models, so we have to support the few we do through thick and thin!

Since the Olympics, Khan has divided opinion, some argue that he has often been handed things on a plate which other boxers have to work a lot harder for and they may have had a point except that Khan IS an Olympic silver-medallist and a poster-boy for the future of British boxing he was always going to get some breaks... get over it!  There's also the nasty element too... If you YouTube some of Khan's early victories, some of the abuse and vitriol hurled at him in the comments section is astonishing and disgusting, with sinister racial undertones...  The thing is Khan is very proud to be British (he regularly wears the Union Jack on his shorts), but he is also very proud of his Pakistani heritage and loves his religion... It's 2011 and it's great that 99% of people in Britain can accept that... (this number is based on 0 scientific study and like all great stats was plucked out the air)

To anyone from any walk of life... You will NEVER please everyone... Usually the number of people that don't like what you do, who you are etc. is probably greater than 1%, but ignore the haters, why waste your energy on those that are ignorant to your talents...  I've just come back recently from New York and some of my Black American friends have a saying out there that neatly summarises this... 'You do you, fuck everythin' else'!

Amir Khan's giant billboard in New York Times Square! #proud

As for Amir Khan, despite suffering a brutal loss in 2008 - which gave much joy to his haters - he has come back STRONG and that comeback journey culminated tonight in him unifying the light-welterweight division of boxing!  He was down, he made drastic changes, he learnt his lesson, he shut-out his haters and he's conquering the world stage, the world is his oyster and who knows, maybe in 18 months time he may very well be the best pound-for-pound boxer in the entire world...

... As for me, I'm gonna use this night as an inspiration to learn to overcome the bad comedy gigs, learn the lessons, make the changes and do what I need to do to get to where I want to be...

And who knows Amir, maybe I'll see you in Hollywood someday!

- Tez